Reflections on Cecil & Rascal

Today isn’t a start to a normal Thursday. Today I feel numb and empty. Today even Batman feels the sadness. I had to put his doggie shirt back on because he was pulling his hair again due to stress. Today Shannon is on my mind. Today Kobe is on my mind. They lost Rascal yesterday. They lost Cecil back in February. Heartbreak and devastation has reared it’s ugly head. Rascal passed away peacefully in his sleep after 16 years. I had the privilege of meeting Shannon and the boys back in October. They are a part of my ohana.

Sure some say oh he was just a cat. To those people, this is why you are not close to me. You don’t get me at all. If you did, then you would know that Batman and my ohana’s furbabies mean more to me than any human relationship. Rascal was Shannon’s furson. Her eldest of her three cool cats. I know the heartache and emptiness Shannon feels. I feel it right alongside her. The Sunday I found about Cecil’s passing, I died a little. Yesterday, I died a little more after hearing about sweet Rascal. I am grateful that I have met Shannon and the boys through Twitter. We been ohana for overn3 years now.

I joined Twitter February 2014. I had lost Boo in January 2014. The relationships built over that span have helped me through my grief of loosing Boo. They were all very supportive when Batman was sick and needed surgery in December 2014. They have helped me become a better, stronger person. Sharing my story with them has helped them all as well. I truly have found my niche.

Joining Zombiesquad in January 2015, my ohana has grown. It really blossomed as if late as more kitties joined the ranks. We have all shared in each others ups and downs. We all support each other. We all love each other. Yes we have had many sad losses. We share those losses together. We keep each other going on.

I truly believe we will see our furry ones again when we meet on the rainbow bridge. I know in my heart that they are our angels watching over us. I have sensed Boo’s presence a few times since her passing.

I have cried more for the deaths of Shannon’s boys, Peaches’ Dreamer, Charlee’s Clarence, Amy’s Gumdrop, Robyn’s Pepper, Ollie and Blue than I ever have for any human. The one exception was William Dyer who was like a brother to me.

Furbabies give unconditional love. That love is forever. That love never dies. We will meet them again. They will be waiting to greet us when we pass. That love is complete, whole, never waining.


March 1, 2012

Morning comes and I am anxious to get home to my fur babies. My partner has to go pick up her son. Amy arrives to take me home. I wasn’t allowed to be discharged until I was able to hold down some solid food. The anesthesia and pain meds had made me very nauseous the day prior. I had gotten sick a couple times. I get a ham and cheese omelet. Amy gets me all situated before the food arrives. I begin to eat gingerly and everything goes well. Amy and I are given discharge instructions.

Amy gets me home. She turns the air conditioning down for me since I had to have it so cold to feel comfortable. All the extra bandages and my body beginning to heal itself had me a bit overheated. There is no way that I am going to be able to sleep in bed. Just too painful so Amy gets me my pillows and gets me set up on the couch. I am so happy to see my fur babies. They both greet me. Just being home and around them has me feeling so much better.

Amy checks on my drainage tubes and it appears to be time to empty them as well milk them. I was kind of shocked how involved in this process Amy wanted to be in. She listened intently and watched the nurse demonstrate this at the hospital. My partner comes up to relieve Amy. Amy had just finished with cleaning up. I had just got back down onto the couch and was settling in get comfortable. I could sense the jealousy in the room with my partner. I rolled my eyes when she wasn’t looking. Batman jumped up onto the couch and wanted to lie on my chest as he always had done. Unfortunately, there was no way I could let him. Poor little guy didn’t understand. I had to keep pushing him down to my lap. He finally settled down on my lap. He wanted to be near me so bad. Boo comes and lies in the pet bed on the floor in front of the couch.

I spend most of the time napping on and off and watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. I was catching up on the series. There were eight episodes per disc so it was easy to watch and not have to move much. I knew from the accident and how the body needs to heal I just needed to relax and take it easy. Batman and Boo stay constantly by my side or at the least have me in sight. My partner makes sure that I keep hydrated and fed.

The next day keep in mind that my partner still has to work and has her son to take care of. I mainly needed to rest and take it easy. The house hadn’t been cleaned yet and I hadn’t felt like really trying to tackle washing my hair. My partner did a sponge bath because I wasn’t to mess with the bandages as of yet. My parents stop by. My partner jumps at the opportunity to run to the grocery. My mother has a fit about the house and my hair. Seriously, who the fuck cares Mom? Everyone knows I just had surgery. No one is going to care really. Suzanne and Rodney were going to stop in after their shift to visit with me. They would not care. The stuff this woman worries about causes me more stress than is necessary.  My partner returns from the grocery then my parents leave.

While Suzanne and Rodney visited, my partner was able to get some things done between both my place and her place. I wasn’t quite fully able to do much other than to get up and go to the bathroom and fetch myself something to drink. My partner had bought me some flexible straws to help me not to have to lean up so much.

Surgery Day

(getting back to the main subject of my blog being my journey through breast cancer)

FEBRUARY 29, 2012

It is surgery day. I am extremely nervous, anxious and sad. I took a shower and just cried. My body would never look the same way again. I had a large scar on my leg which was no big deal to me. It was like a badge of honor for surviving that accident in 2007. This was a part of my womanhood which was going to be removed. I felt as if I would no longer be a viable partner. How would anyone want to be to be with me? I am going to only have one breast. I kept thinking we had just gotten close again. We had to be at the hospital really early. My parents hadn’t arrived yet and I was working on the paperwork for admission. I was going to have to spend the night in the hospital after the surgery. I ended up being called back early before I had even gotten through a quarter of the paperwork. My partner had to finish which also meant she would have to deal with my parents alone once they arrived.

I go to pre-op and get changed. I am hooked up to all the machines and given an IV. Then my partner and parents were called up to join with me until time for surgery. My head was spinning with thoughts and feelings none of which I could discuss with my partner or my parents. What a place to be looking back now as I write this, no one really to completely confide in wholeheartedly without regard. Dr. B comes by and marks up my right breast and places some numbing lotion on the nipple. That was quite a weird sensation as the numbness took over my right breast.

I am then taken down to nuclear medication for radioactive injections to my right breast. This was to see which lymph nodes in my right armpit the right breast mainly drained to. The injections were not pleasant and were about a score of them. I am then taken back up to pre-op. You could cut the tension between my partner and my mother. They have always been at odds. I was the pawn in the middle of their power struggle. I tone out the small talk between everyone. My head is splitting. I am given some medications to calm me down and prepare me for the surgery. Those were a blessing. One good thing was the peace that comes from being under anesthesia.

I wasn’t afraid of the surgery itself or the pain that would come from having my right breast removed from my body. The worst pain I had ever felt was the night of the crash when I felt my own bones snap after the car collided with me. I was afraid of the cancer. Was it coursing thru my veins eating me silently away? Was I going to completely recover from all of this and have somewhat of a life? Was all this really necessary if it turns out to be more? Do I really want to put myself through all that? I go to sleep and wake up in recovery. They did have to take all my lymph nodes from my right armpit. Two of them had tested positive for cancer. So to be on the safe side, they were all removed. Pathology on my right breast had come back with two different types of cancer. Dr. B described it as if a bomb had gone off inside my right breast and the cancer was shrapnel. He advised that he was confident that he removed all the cancerous tissue.

After a while, here come my parents and my partner. I could hear my Mom chattering away. Even groggy from all the medications I could see the look on the faces of my father and my partner that Mom had been marathon chatting. I am still trying to process everything. My parents and my partner were also trying to make sense of everything. They all were dissecting every aspect.

Once I am taken to my room for the night my second family comes to visit which helps occupy my Mom. I was glad to see everyone but was in a bit of pain. I felt as if the bandages were strangling my chest. I wanted to just sleep. The only bad thing about trying to sleep in the hospital was the checking of vitals every couple of hours. I just kept saying to myself, only one night. The stay at Bayfront reference the crash was eleven long nights.

Take a Knee & Loose Me

I had been toying with the idea of writing my opinions on this taking a knee or sitting during the National Anthem when it was brought out in the media by Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49ers during the pre-season back in August. I had kept saying no to myself because of the political nature of it. Politics have gotten to be such a sore subject during the last 3 Presidential Elections. However, after Mike Evans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers sat on the bench during the National Anthem on Sunday, November 13th, I reconsidered this blog post.

This home game for the Bucs was #SalutetoService to honor US Military Veterans. My own Captain was in attendance. He was so disgusted and angry about this that he went directly to the Buccaneers box office demanded a refund. The Buccaneers Ticket Office denied his request. He also was not given any contact information for The Glazers which are the owners of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Tampa Bay community has had problems filling Raymond James Stadium for years due to poor performance by the NFL team for the past few seasons. It has gotten to a point that opposing teams fill the seats more than home team fans. You would think The Glazer Family would do everything in their power not further disappoint the community so that they can fill the stadium on Sundays.

I find out on the news that Mike Evans has since apologized and stated he will no longer sit on the bench during the National Anthem. He did vow to further show his disapproval of the Presidential Election results by looking into organizations in which follow his beliefs. That is all fine and dandy, but one tidbit that I found particularly interesting is that Mike Evans did not vote in the election. Also, Colin Kaepernick did not vote in the election. I am sorry but those who did not do their civic duty and vote really do not have the right to complain about the results. This rioting and protests that have been occurring since the November 8th win by President Elect Trump just further shows that this country is totally divided. This division of the country has come about during the Obama Administration aided by the Liberal Media and political activists.

For NFL players and other professional athletes that make millions of dollars in salaries need to do some good with that money instead of teaching protests are the only way. Also, be positive role models to these at risk youth so they know they learn and can grow. Professional athletes are looked to with eyes open wide by youth at impressionable ages. With that fame comes responsibility which most take for granted.  Why not put that money to use by funding education initiatives in the inner cities to help educate at risk youth? Why not spend some of the money to help clean up housing projects? Why not actually go and volunteer time with Big Brothers Big Sisters to be positive role models? Why not use social media to help show the youth those organizations out there to help them with their issues?

I understand that the Democrats are upset about the election. Heck, the Republicans were upset in 2008 and 2012 but no riots occurred. The same old politics has not worked lately. Why not try something new? If that doesn’t work then use your power to vote in 2020. What a lot of folks are upset about is that their entitlements might be changed. We cannot end up like Greece where more people were on entitlements rather than those that were working to give those people entitlements. Great Britain is venturing into new territory by the Brexit vote. America is venturing into a new era by a billionaire becoming President. Back when President Ronald Regan ran for President, the scuttlebutt was how this Hollywood actor can know anything about running a country. Look how well that turned out.

It is time that “We the People” need to come together not as Democrats or Republicans but come together as Americans to move our nation forward as the United States of America. We are all citizens of this country so start acting like it. Our country was founded by a melting pot of people from all over. It is time to remember that. Stop trying to turn our country into something that it isn’t. Everyone has a right to their opinions. Those opinions may be different then your own. Get over it. We are individuals and not going to agree with everything. Put down the Kool Aid fed to you by the Liberal Media and actually research issues to know the whole truth. You are not given the entirety of the facts by the Liberal Media. Educating yourself may end up freeing your worries or lead you to a way to help your strongly held beliefs.

What I find kind of funny was so many musicians, actors and athletes all vowed to leave the country if Donald Trump won the election and so far no one has left. Well, sorry but that furthers my thoughts that some of you are total Kool Aid drinkers. Also failure to act on those vows shows that you are not a person of your word.  Therefore you have lost my respect. Those athletes that kneel or sit during the National Anthems also have lost my respect.  Do not read into this that I am against a woman being in the White House. I am all for that but it needs to be the right woman. These views are totally of my own accord. I am a registered voter but affiliated with neither Democrats nor Republicans. I vote for whom I feel is better for the job.

You Need to Smile

Nothing irks me more than to be told to smile. I do not like to smile very much. Never have even from little up.  To me, a smile is meant for someone who is special to me or if something is really funny. I do not want to be fake towards people so why should I fake a smile. I don’t know them  and in most cases want to know them. Some may find this harsh but in today’s world, I just really want to be left alone. This world now everyone is offended by something. Guess what? I am offended that you are offended. This world does not entitle you to anything. Everyone has a right to live how they want. Your beliefs do not outweigh those of others. We are individuals with free will to live how we want. However, most people do not use their free will. They follow the popular path as lemmings blindly doing what is popular. What is popular changes by the minute. It is the most important thing for a miniscule of time in the scheme of your lifetime. Something else always comes along to take its place at the top. It is the current cycle of the blind masses. If you want true change, you must break the cycle.

At work, I am direct and to the point. Complete your business and go about your life. I will go about mine. The universe does not revolve around you nor does it revolve around me. Let the interaction amongst strangers be completed as quickly as possible. I will fulfill your business in an efficient and quick manner so that you may move on. But I will not kiss your ass or fill you with fake sentiment.

Society has gotten to be so politically correct that has turned the masses into vile, hateful, bullies. Everyone else’s ideals being forced upon one another and I am sick and tired of it. I am individual thinker. I do not follow nor comply with society standards. I make up my own mind by doing my own reflection with the totality of the facts. I do not rely on liberal media, political leaders, religious leaders or what is popular at the moment to guide me. All of those sources are skewed towards their own agenda. They do not give you the full facts. They tell you what they want you to hear. Break the cycle, do your own research, make up your own mind. Get the whole facts.

The ISIS attacks in Paris, Belgium, Orlando and Nice are a reminder that it is not okay for anyone to force any ideals or ways of life. Christians did this back during the Crusade days. ISIS and radical Islams are doing it now. With the current administration in control in the American government, the United States have taken steps backwards in regards to Civil Rights Movement. The gay community fought for many years to be given the same rights as heterosexual couples. That time has come after they were persecuted and the term hate crime was coined for many attacks on gay individuals. Did you know that there were some gays that actually attacked others because they didn’t agree with their right to marry. You whined and fought to have your rights. That did not give you the right to attack others who did not believe. Granted yes not all gays are like that. Just as not all Christians want to convert you. Not all Muslims want to kill those that do not believe in Allah. Not all immigrants came into the country illegally. Not all blacks are thugs wanting to kill police officers. Not all police officers are bad.  Not all Democrats voters violently attack Republican voters supporting Donald Trump. I could go on and on with examples.

I am offended by those people that have animals for the novelty of it then leave the animals in a hot car where the animals die. I am offended by the greediness of people that breed animals in deplorable conditions while thousands of abandoned animals are waiting for forever homes in shelters praying to be adopted. I am offended by those that mutilate domestic animals for their pleasure because they hate them. Hey wake up, I don’t like non animal people but you don’t see me mutilating you.

I am offended by the atheists trying to remove every mention of God. They waged war on Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Winter Solstice celebrations. They are fighting to have memorials removed because they contain a cross. Those memorials were erected to archive an event in history. Leave it alone. You don’t like, don’t visit. You have the right to not believe in God. Don’t force me to do it. You have the right to not celebrate but don’t take that right from others that do celebrate one of those holidays.

Jennifer Aniston recently told the world how fed up she was with the rumors that she was pregnant. I applaud her. She has spoken out like I do. A man will not define her. A child will not define her. I do not want a man or a woman in my life. I do not want a child. I knew from little on that I was different. I do not like children so why would I follow the masses and have a child. I did not. I will not. This world is overpopulated enough. The overpopulation has led to many conflicts, tearing the Earth apart, Americans are obese while others in third world countries are dying of starvation.

Yes, social media has given us a voice to speak to those around the world. It has given me the opportunity to find my tribe in life. I do not like to be social in person but I can be social on social media sights. There are some that are using it for harm and bullying. Let us all work together towards enlightenment of breaking the cycle and becoming better individuals. Then some of this madness will stop because no one will buy into it.


Head Above Water

I have stated before that I love music and that music speaks to me. This song is like my theme song through any bad times. I used to wish I could go back and change things or events to have missed some of the bad trials and tribulations that I went through. Going thru some of the stuff that I have had to endure has taken pieces of my soul and hardened me. But I look back now and realize that it has made me the strong woman that I am today. It has taught me to be independent. It has taught me some lessons on trust.

I will now never back down when betrayed, threatened, and anything remotely close to that. I also will stand up for my friends. If I call you a friend, that means something. Otherwise, you are just an acquaintance or someone I know. A friend to me is someone that I can possibly count on. If I don’t trust you, I will not stand for you nor help you. I don’t have time for those that don’t have time for me. If I call you family, then I completely trust you. I know that you will be here for me. You in turn will know that I will be here for you. Family to me is more than blood or relation by marriage. Family is people you can be yourself with. They are here for you through good and bad. I have had a few so called friends leave when things got bad. They are now no longer friends. My list of friends may be short but I like it that. My family is small but I would do anything for them.

I have learned to trust no one at work. They are all out for themselves. Knowing that fact, I can spend my time doing my work which is what I am paid to do. I also know that I can be forgo any social activities that I wouldn’t enjoy anyway. I live in my own world with my family and virtual family. I have also found out what kind of strength that I have. I have been able to pull myself up by the boot straps and endure many things that may have made others just give up. It takes a lot of strength to bring out the best in yourself when no one else is there to help. That strength I like to personify as the lone wolf. I have had some tell me that there was no way they could have gone through what I have and been able to function. That is because you don’t listen to the wolf inside. They are the followers of this world blindly going where led without looking to see where it is that they are going. They are told what to think and are okay with that.

Toxic Relationships


As I sit here working on the last day of 2015, I am listening to my co-worker and a few others laughing it up and talking about others. I have no desire to join in. They are all a bunch of two-faced, gossip mungers. I learned some hard lessons in my 45 plus years on this planet. I have learned to watch out for the most important person in the world, which is me. I have found it very hard to trust people. I have quietly sat back over the last few years since my crash and my cancer. I took a hard look inward and outward. Some people have been sliced out of my life for being toxic. They have caused me undue stress. Stress will feed cancer. Some people have been untrustworthy in the past. Leopards do not change their spots. I know that some are like people should be given a second chance. I have been in my place of employment for over 21 years. No one has ever changed. It is not in their nature to do so because they will do what is best for their ambitions and motives. They have such a sense of belonging and are so dependent on others that they have comprised themselves.

Society has barely any morals or ethics anymore. People are fully free to push their beliefs on thanks to political correctness. Liberal media has people believing whatever is fed to them via the television. They blindly follow without thinking for themselves. The news is sliced and diced to persuade you to watch their network. The full news story is never given. Working in law enforcement, I have seen many times how the real events have been edited or altered for content. The news outlets have spliced dash cam videos only showing you what they want you to see. They leave out pertinent details because it does not fall within their agenda. This is not some conspiracy theory or right wing thinking. It is from personal experience and observations on my part.

While recovering from both of my tragedies, I found the wolf that lay dormant inside of me. I have struggled throughout my life with fitting in. I have never been officially diagnosed but I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) and Asperger’s as well as PTSD from my tragic car accident. I am highly intelligent and have some OCD tendencies. My father probably has the same as well. He also has had a difficult time in life fitting in. His mother has as well. I am fairly certain it was inherited. I have had a lot of time for self-reflection and I sought out information. I also have had a lifetime of experiences of struggling with trying to fit in.

I have unleashed that wolf inside of me. I have broken the chains of dependence which were like cancer coursing through my veins. When I have shed those that were toxic to me, I have felt a release and a sense of freedom. I shed those that basically used me for a doormat. They would only call if they needed something from me. I have shed the one that has broken my heart three times who can’t find herself in a paperbag whom I thought was my soulmate. It was just me settling for someone to fit in this couple based world. I have stepped away from social interactions other than with my parents and second family. I have virtual interactions through social media with my trusted #lovebugs and #stormsanctuary. I have no need for interactions with others because I know that I do not belong.

There is one huge toxic obstacle in my life and that is work. I cannot trust those that I work with. My co-worker is the laziness, manipulative human on this planet. She will stab you in the back to make up for her own negligence in her job. For example, she will tattle on anyone trying to make herself look good. She feeds off gossip as well as stirs the shit storm. It is toxic people like this that are more than likely behind workplace violence. People just get to a point and blow.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not mind the actual work that I do. It is the closest that I can be to what I was before the crash. It is the social interaction with toxic people that I can do without. I wish that I could work alone and not have interactions because I am a task oriented person who is very organized and has self-discipline. Most days there isn’t much interaction so I am good. However, there are days when the co-worker must have rode her broom to work because she will cause such drama that I can feel the storm swelling within my veins. It is hard to slice people out of your life when it is situational like a workplace. I do my best to use my sense of humor to turn things into a funny situation or make fun of the situation. The best to do at work is to keep to yourself, do your work, don’t divulge information that can be used against you, and do your best to survive the day.

Social anxiety disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by an intense fear in one or more social situations causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others. It is the most common anxiety disorder and one of the most common psychiatric disorders, with 12% of American adults having experienced it.” – from Wikipedia

Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger’s syndrome, Asperger disorder (AD) or simply Asperger’s, is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development.” – from Wikipedia

May 19th – 8 years later

Today marks the 8th anniversary of the tragic evening that ended my career as a State Trooper with the Florida Highway Patrol. A lot has changed in those 8 years. I have endured a lot. I have overcame a lot. I battled breast cancer and won.
I reflect back on this day remembering who i was back in 2007. I wasn’t supposed to be working. I had asked for that Friday & Saturday off to have a small vacation to coincide with my birthday. We were short handed during the weekend therefore i couldn’t be spared. My mother asked if i had any ill warnings before i ventured off for my shift that day. I didn’t sense anything. A police officer’s shift is not routine. You never know what you will come upon you during that time. You go out each day knowing that you may not come home that night. It is a sacrifice that we make to serve and protect. I know some people are going to think this is corny but i don’t care. I always made a point to tell Boo goodbye, I love you and approximately when i would return. Boo was my loved one that I lived with.
I started my shift and it was pretty busy for a Saturday. The weather wasn’t bad at all. So it wasn’t because of rain. Just was an active day. I took my meal break. Then a call in on the interstate. It didn’t sound good. It was involving a motorcycle. Fire and EMS personnel were already on scene. Before i could arrive, i was notified that the rider had died. It is always sad to respond to these type of calls. Someone had lost their life for one reason or another. In this case, speed and showing off cost the young gentleman his life. His friend had witnessed the horrible accident right before his eyes. I felt so bad for his friend. I am used to seeing macabre scenes but not this friend who can never unsee that. I have seen things no human should see. It stays with you.

Looking back now, it is funny how you feel safe in the middle of the interstate with lane closures, lit flares, cones, multiple police vehicles with their lights on. We had two of the four lanes blocked off. Traffic was moving along slowly. We had been out there for over two hours. We had no secondary, rubbernecker crashes. Heck we didn’t even have anyone screeching to a halt. The traffic was slow but running smoothly. Evening turned to dusk then to night. We were nearing a stage where the scene was almost finished being mapped out by the Traffic Homicide Investigators. I was talking with the midnight shift Trooper whom was going to notify the family of the young man of the death.

Then the moment of fate, we hear loud screeching. I remember looking back and seeing this white car spinning out of control coming straight for us. I started to run. I heard the loud crash as the white car hit the patrol car parked behind mine. The sound was almost deafening. I felt bits of debris flying in my direction. I was running as fast as I could but felt like I wasn’t going anywhere. Next thing I am hit from behind and thrown to the ground. My left leg collapsed and shattered beneath me. My shoestring on my right boots was caught under the wheel of the white car as it was still spinning. I remember pushing off the car with all my might just trying to get away. I thought that I was going to die. Everything was almost in slow motion. I was free and fell to the concrete onto my back. I saw two other Troopers struck and thrown back away from the white car. The white car finally came to a stop against the guardrail. I was suddenly overwhelmed by an intense wave of pain. The worst pain that I ever felt in my entire life. I was screaming. I heard the other Troopers on scene that were not involved in this crash calling out our names. It now was utter chaos as they were calling out over the radio what had happened. A nurse that was heading to work at Bayfront Medical Center came running from her car and tended to me. I could tell by her look and gentle squeeze of my hand that I wasn’t in good shape. I could hear sirens from the fire trucks and ambulances coming. I remember beginning to cry because I wanted my mother and Boo. They both know how to make me feel better.

I was placed onto the back board and loaded into the squad Fire Truck and rushed to Bayfront Medical Center even before the ambulance arrived. Being a State Trooper for almost 14 years told me that my legs were in great shape. I could feel my left was not right at all. I had two broken ankles as well. But my left leg hurt from the knee down. I was rushed into the trauma room. I was attended to by the wonderful staff that I have seen for years coming in and out of these trauma rooms for cases. I felt safe. I knew that I was going to be taken care of. I was so scared. After awhile, there were police officers from St Petersburg Police Department and the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office in the emergency room. I remembered being wheeled down the hallway towards radiology and police officers lined both sides of the hallway. The other Troopers who were injured were also brought into the trauma room. Two other Troopers arrived in plain clothes that were off duty and had been called. They stood by with us. I remember when my mother first walked into the trauma room later. I immediately started crying. She collapsed but was caught by the surgeon who helped her into the chair. I remember all this so vividly even 8 years later.

I was told that the injury was severe. I knew I had to be strong. You do not know how strong you can be until you have no choice to be. It was a slim chance that I may not walk again or the surgery would be a success in regards to my left leg. I woke up the next day after surgery and spent 11 days in the hospital. I then spent 4 months recouping at my parents house before I could return home to my condo on my own. I wasn’t able to actually put weight on my left leg for a couple months. I had to learn to walk on it again slowly working up stamina.

I knew that night that basically my career as a police officer was over. The person whom was driving the white car was drunk and under aged. Because of his poor decisions, I almost never made it home that night. I was away from Boo for 11 days. It was over 4 months until I was actually back home in my own bed. In the past few years there have been incidents where police officers are bashed because of a few angry people. There are a few bad police officers out there. I am not defending those types of officers. However, in any profession, there are good and bad employees. Just keep that in mind. Remember don’t drink and drive. There are real consequences behind that deliberate desire to get behind the wheel. It is a crime. A crime that affected the lives of three officers, their families, and that of a 19 year old. At 10:38pm that night, all our lives were changed.



#iamtiger #justiceforTiger

I really need to get back to the core of my blog but want to get on my soap box for a second to state my feelings on a recent news topic. I am disguted and appalled by Kristen Lindsey, the killer vet from Texas, who proudly shot the neighbors cat in Texas and then posted it on facebook with a shit eating grin on her face. How I would love to slap that grin right off her face. I am an animal lover to the very core of my being. I have publicly stated more than once that I will take an animal over a human anyday, anytime. There are two innocent things in this world, animals and children. They both love unconditionally and are naive to stereotypes, racism, hatred and all the bad in the world. Children unfortunately learn it from society and their upbringing because there parental figures teach hate. Children should be taught to love everyone no matter what.

I have seen some comments on the trolls facebook community support page for this killer vet that have me enraged. They range from animal haters to getting into topics of killing farm animals. I am not a vegan, therefore I eat meat. Farm animals are raised for the sole intention of feeding the masses. That is there purpose as well as provide other essentials. Where do you think leather comes from? Farm animals can still be treated humanely in this process and I do not condone some of the horrific ways that it is done. But you cannot put what happened to Tiger in Texas with that of farm animals. You also cannot put Tiger into a hunting category either. Wild animals such as boars, Deers, and Wild Turkeys that people hunt for sport are a whole other category. I am not a fan of hunting animals for sport but I know that it is probably somewhat necessary or there would overpopulation.

I saw comments about feral cats. Well there is perfect solution, round them up, have them fixed, and then set free. If everyone would lend a hand then the feral cat population would dwindle. Have your pets fixed. It is simple as that. There are vets out there that will do it for a minimal cost. HAVE YOUR PETS SPAYED OR NEUTERED. Solves that problem. I keep my cats indoors but I know that some people allow theirs to roam freely outside. If that cat is fixed, there is no worries of getting a feral female pregnant. I also saw comments about they get footprints on my car and other whiny comments. Sorry but your precious vehicles get dirty moments after you wash them. There is pollen in the air and there is dirt on the roads. If you are that worried about a material possession then you are a shallow, selfish human. I also saw comments about pets being euthanized when they get older or sick. I am sorry but I am glad that we can have that choice to not see our pets suffer. It should be allowed to do on humans as well. I hate watching as someone that so deathly ill has to suffer until their body finally gives out and they finally pass on.

I consider my pets part of the family. I hate when people say they are just an animal. That means they have no compassion to allow an innocent pet into their hearts. It means the world to me to come home knowing that my furbaby will be there to greet me every time. They love us unconditionally. No human does that. A pet supports us in ways that humans cannot. The only human relationship that can remotely come close would be a true mother to her child. Another thing I like about a cat is that they don’t care about anything but spending time with their human. It is a perfect relationship to have and those that know what I am talking about are truly blessed.

I have noticed in my lifetime that people who do not like animals are not nice people. They do not have a good personality. They are not good to others. They are more times than not good parental figures either. People who like animals are full of love and compassion. I hope that justice will be served and that this will wake the world up that laws need to be tougher in regards to animal cruelty. I also hope that everyone will have their pets fixed. I hope that more vets will help by capturing ferals, fixing them and releasing them back if they can’t be socialized. I hope that more people adopt and don’t shop. All my pets are rescues. I have never paid for a pet.

My latest furbaby was abandoned and thrown away like trash. When I found him, he was so skinny. I took him and nursed him back to health. He is the sweetest, coolest little guy. He showers we with head bonks and kisses every day. He is my life. I will do everything in my power to see that he has everything he needs. Pets are family not throwaway items. We are their whole world and they may only give us a few years. But for them, those years are there whole world. Yes it is sad to loose them as soon as we do. However, I carry their love and memory in my heart forever. I then bring another rescue home and start a life with them. I know in my heart that is what our pets would want. Save another furbaby like you saved me. candle




Enough is Enough


Bullying may be defined as the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another individual, physically, mentally or emotionally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person. It can be classified into four types:

  1. Physical (hitting, punching, or kicking)

  2. Verbal (name-calling or taunting)

  3. Relational (destroying peer acceptance and friendships)

  4. Cyber-bullying (using electronic means to harm others)

The above excerpt is taken from Wikipedia. There has always been some type of bullying going on throughout the sands of time. There are always some groups picking on others that are not like them. Times have changed hence the newest category cyber-bullying but the fact remains that it still goes on. With technology cyber bullying can go viral thus having a snowball effect. It can lead to the other categories thus in my opinion, can be the worst kind of bullying.

However, if we take a stand on social media, we can show that it is not okay to bully someone and to show those who were bullied they are not alone. People are supposed to be individuals and think for themselves but where does this behavior come from. Whether it is taught during childhood by bad parenting or giving into peer pressure, a bully is taught this behavior through their social development. Some rare people, like me, do not fit into any category or labeled such as: jock, geek, gay, prep, emo, punk, or anything like that. The reason why is that I follow my own rules and my own beliefs. I have since little up been taught to think for myself. My parents raised me to think for myself. I also learned for myself by watching others that this behavior is hurtful and shouldn’t be acceptable. I take in knowledge presented to me through various forms, school, church, scientific documentaries, lessons learned from various TV shows and movies presenting various morality rules that interested me.

I am not a fan of people that shove their ideals down another’s throat. We are individuals with our own free will. Why must others feel the insatiable need to use change someone’s mind. An intelligent debate is one thing but end it at that. People that have tried that with me will be sliced out of my life so fast and so deep even parts of their family tree will be gone. Don’t think that I won’t go without a fight if pushed into a proverbial corner. I have gotten quite good at acting as if you or others like you even exist on this vast planet of individuals. I wish more were like me that stood up for others in times of bullying. Most of the time the bullies aren’t even face to face to the person they are bullying, but hide behind their computers and online persona. It must make them feel powerful or something to do it so much. I guess others have such a need to belong that they may put up with it to a point where they break. Where do you think school shootings and other acts of violence stem from? In some instances it is of a domestic violence nature or disgruntled employees. But the majority is kids tired of being bullied and fearing no other outlet. They want to either remove themselves from the equation or take others with them that inflicted this pain. I sit back being a non-social person in face to face contact and watch others. I have always blended into the woodwork from little up. It used to bother me but I found my power was my brain and my freedom to be whomever I wished to be. I watch family gossip about other family members. I watch co-worker against co-worker. It is a never-ending cycle. I have watched others just thirst for that sense of belonging that they do the stupidest of things. My thought on bullying is remember there are over how many billions of people on this planet who cares if a few people don’t think like what you do, vote like you do, have same religious beliefs as you do and so on. Remember we are individuals. If nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut.

Remember the crusades were a war started by Christians. We are now living with the threat from extreme Jihads. There are still those that will go to extreme violence to make their way the only way. Political correctness has gotten out of hand. It to me is a form of bullying. We are almost at a point we can’t fly our flag, celebrate our holidays, and have the freedom to choose because it may offend someone. Think about what I said. Take a look inside yourself. Find the strength to be your person. Help out others when you see someone being bullied. Don’t follow the blind masses.

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